Sunday, August 16, 2009

Back at work

The lovely four months of maternity leave flew by & I'm back in office on weekdays now. Its much, much tougher than I imagined it would be; the separation anxiety is excrutiating, listening to Kabeer on the phone makes my heart break into a thousand pieces, expressing milk at work is painfully tedious, & weekends have never been this precious. Working mothers often worry about how their child is going to get good parenting while they're away. That thought crossed my mind too; but my bigger worry is a selfish but agonising anxiety that maybe Kabeer will stop missing me eventually; maybe he'll forget my face which has always been his favourite, most familiar face; maybe he'll think of me as someone who just shows up on weekends. And then instantly I feel terrible for wishing that my son misses me & cries for me when I'm away.

Also, we moved apartments this weekend. That seems to have added to Kabeer's disorientation a bit. But the new apartment has a ceiling fan which manages to delight him every time it makes a rotation.

Anyhoo. Back to opening the cartons now. Someone please tell me - why cant I stop bursting the damn bubble-wrap plastic????

11 comments:

Sneha said...

Must be real tough leaving Kabeer! One of my colleagues got back from maternity leave a bit ago - and she misses her baby so much that she she visits the daycare during lunchtime :-)

iamyuva said...

remind yourself what motivates you to work again..that will give you energy..
atleast it should..;)

bubble-wrap.. psychological factor..
same as compelled to sit when there is a chair..

Radha said...

Sneha,
It is very tough! :(

Yuva,
What motivates me to come to work is the fear that if I quit now I will have to start all over again in another 2 years with finding a job !

Kanishka Agiwal said...

Kabir Man Nirmal Bhaya, Jaise Ganga Neer
Pache Pache Har Phire, Kahat Kabir Kabir

pop pop pop..mmmpphhhh...POP..sqqqqq...pip

clickable said...

I can imagine how hard it must be. I don't know how I'm going to do it in a month's time!

Radha said...

Kanishka,
Say what???

Clickable,
It'll get tougher after the 3rd month, because the baby starts recognising the mother then. Kabeer becomes sad every morning when I leave; its so sad !!!!

Anonymous said...

Hi Radha,

Get rid of this fear that you have to start all over again for a job after 2 years. I took a break of 1 year n now back in job with better salary n position in such a recession. So no fear enjoy with kid his infant stage wont come back. (Purely my opinion)



Love

Jas Bhambra said...

My sister-in-law went to school after she had my nephew, and she would call during the day and cry on hearing my nephew's baby talk!

Its tough!

Can I have some of your bubble wrap as well??? :D

Moi said...

Aww radha and kabeer! I wish I could say something else but I really do not know what to.....except that take care.....stay strong, the two of you ......hugs!

Moi said...

oh and did i tell u that i love the profile image of you with kabeer...the smiles are precious :)

suramya said...

Awwwww. I am sure he's not going to forget you. After all your the last face he sees everyday before he falls asleep.

Bubble wrappers are addictive, no matter how old you are.